I would have responded sooner, but I've been away from Tribe for awhile.

Sorry if I offended you, but I've had 47 years worth of experience with this. My family members are not the most considerate or understanding people in the world when it comes to my hearing, but I try to accept that because we don't choose our family members and I can't change them.

I didn't actually suggest that you dump him, I just posed a question to make you think. I'm glad he's a deeply caring person and I can certainly appreciate the cultural and developmental issues that you cited. But I can't help thinking that a deeply caring person with no other issues would be willing to compensate for his inconvenient habit by doing the logical thing, which would be to repeat himself when you need him to without making an issue of it.

Because otherwise he's got you doing all the work, and he's got more control over his behavior in this situation than you do. You can't choose to hear better, but he can choose to repeat himself as needed, right?

D

I wouldn't say that Velveeta jumped to conclusions so much as you left important information out of your original post. The way it was written, I came away with the same perception of your partner.

That being said, habits can change. You have to work at it, but they can be changed. It takes time and patience. Good luck!

Gentle reminders help, but don't always work, especially when the person you're talking to is annoyed or stressed out. I've found that speaking clearly in a normal tone helps, as sometimes this can nudge the person to match your tone and manner of speaking.

Yes, saying "what?" repeatedly is annoying, but when I talk to other profoundly hard of hearing people like myself, I ask myself for patience and try to speak as clearly as possible without over-enunciating at a normal or slightly louder than normal volume, if need be, because I understand that this will probably help get things started in the right direction.

Unfortunately, a lot of hearing people just don't get it. They simply do not understand that gray area between total deafness and hearing perfectly, and it's certainly not a personal vendetta against the hard of hearing, but rather a lack of knowledge. I've had so many conversations in noisy situations where the person begins to yell in my ear, which doesn't help communication at all and also hurts! I find that I have to again, gently push the person away, so that I can read his lips, or on the cell phone, hold the phone away a bit and gently again, in a normal tone of voice, say, "I'm sorry, I'm hard of hearing and I'm having trouble understanding you."

It's interesting that so many people understand vision on a spectrum between blindness and 20-20 vision, but that's because wearing glasses, getting vision checked, and so on is so common, it is incorporated into our health plans and everyday lives.

On a daily basis, I find that people really need to be educated. I explain that my particular loss means that I cannot hear high frequencies without my hearing aids in and that it's quite weird for me sometimes. I cannot hear the microwave or any alarm clocks, but that the hum from the refrigerator or the central heater can keep me from sleeping at night!

I once went to dinner with an old friend, someone I don't see very often, and when we arrived at the restaurant, he asked me if it was too noisy for me. I was so touched. It really floored me that he remembered and thought of me. My parents will sometimes do this, but hardly ever a friend! Wow. It was really a moment for me.